is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
