You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
