The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
