I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize