dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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