Kiss
Puke
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
