non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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