lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
