I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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