With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
