yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
