She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
