You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
