I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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