i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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