Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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