and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think people are normalizing furries
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
