..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
