I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
