I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
