Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
