I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
