...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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