i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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