I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
