Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
