Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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