he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
