Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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