Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
