yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
