Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
