your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
