my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
