I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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