I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You can't motorboat a personality
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
