She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
