Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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