not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
