btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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