First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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