I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
