Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
