I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
