i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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