stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
