omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
