Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
