You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
