I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had one of those small greek statue penises
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
