he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
