I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
