Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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