If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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