I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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