her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
