Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
