she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
