You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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