worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
should my penis look like a turkey
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
