I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
